Thursday, July 16, 2015

Month One

It's been an entire month since we became a family of 4. And what a month it has been. We have gone from living in our house in Hawaii to hotel living in Hawaii to hotel living in Kansas and just two days away from moving into our house in Kansas. So. Much. Moving. So much moving with Nate and Morgan. And a long flight from Hawaii to Kansas. It has been exhausting. I wish I could say it has been fun, but this PCS has really taken it out of me.

I am a pessimist by nature. I think the worst is going to happen then if it goes better it is a bonus. If it goes by, I am prepared, ready, and expect it. Here are the bonus things that have happened during our crazy month...
1. Morgan came early.
2. We were able to spend and make some last minute memories with great friends in Hawaii.
3. The hotels we have been in have had 1-2 bedrooms so Nate can have more room and a place to sleep (or lack thereof).
4. The weather has been hot and sunny.
5. My car has arrived.
6. Friends have let us borrow things to make our lives way easier.
7. The Kansas hotel has free breakfast and a very good DFAC.
8. I've already been to a babywearing meeting.
9. Met a friend the first day and have friends from a past base here.
10. We found a really good BBQ place.

I've really had to stay focused on the positive because it has been extremely tiring and hard this past month. Sleep is non-existent. A total of 5 hours is a good night for me. The time change. Hotel losing our reservation then getting a pet-friendly room when we don't have pets(pet dander everywhere!). We have to pick up my car in St. Louis...4 hours away. We got the bottom of the barrel housing (slowly becoming a positive). Nate is acting up.

 Just a lot of little things. I have mom guilt. I can't give Nate as much attention and when I do he acts up which makes me mad and frustrated which makes me feel guilty for feeling that way. It's a vicious cycle. I have wife guilt. Jason and I are tag teaming the kids most of the day. All we have to talk about is moving stuff and getting settled. We used to have every night around 7-10 for us. To watch TV, a movie, talk, workout(rare), meal plan, etc. Now it is fighting with Nate to stay in bed, nursing Morgan, searching for a car for Jason, changing our address, getting cable set-up scheduled, stuffing diapers, or sleeping.

I am just ready for normalcy. I want my couch and bed. I want to sleep in the same bed as my husband. Just typing all this makes me feel more guilt and like I am being selfish. Maybe it's all the hormones? Maybe I am...selfish. But that is what I want. I know I will get it back, but everyday just seems like it is dragging.

It's ironic that time seems to be going slow, but Morgan is already a month old! What!? So everything else can go slow, but her growing up is going fast. Not fair. She is just too cute and getting big already. We don't have our scale, but I weighed myself without her then with her in the hotel workout room and she is approximately 10lbs. She is just starting to track and smile. She nurses around the clock. She loves when Nate sings her the ABC's or old MacDonald. She is not a fan of the car seat. She can still wear newborn clothes, but not for long. She has sensitive skin. Seems like she will have red hair and blue eyes.

Does this blog post even make sense? It is just a bunch of rambling. Sorry. Sleep deprivation will do this to a person. I hope this post doesn't make me seem ungrateful or unhappy. I truly have a wonderful family and I know all those frustrations listed above are just small little things. It's an adjustment for me, but I love my family. They are my world and I wouldn't be doing any of this if I didn't love them to the moon and back.

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